3 Reasons Couples Therapists Should Understand Sex Therapy Better

Couples therapists go through extensive post-graduate training in couples modalities, but they receive little training in sex therapy. Considering that most of their couples are either having sex or having difficulties with sex, this hole in their training is problematic at best. Here are some reasons why couples therapists should understand sex therapy better.

1. Communication problems arise in the bedroom, too.

Any problems that a couple has communicating or dealing with conflict will arise in the bedroom as well. Many people struggle to talk about sex—what they want and don’t want, what they like, and what they need—even with the person that they’re having sex with! Tendencies to avoid, shutdown, steamroll . . . they will all show up when couples try to talk about sex. To begin to resolve these problems, couples need to learn how to slow down, be respectful, and remain engaged in conversations around sex. These skills can then be employed across all areas of communication.

2. Sex is deeply vulnerable.

Couples therapists are keenly aware of issues that poke at attachment fears, and such issues arise in sex too. Fears around rejection, disgust, and abandonment are rampant when talking about sex. Empowering your clients to talk about these fears, and teaching their partners to receive, validate, and reassure them, can strengthen the couple’s bond enormously.

3. Physical intimacy begets emotional intimacy in committed relationships.

Physical intimacy is a wonderful way to bolster emotional intimacy in relationships. Not only does physical intimacy release bonding hormones, such as oxytocin, but it also provides a shared (hopefully positive and playful) experience between partners. Sharing such an experience allows partners to talk about their experiences with each other, discussing what they liked and didn’t like, what they may want more or less of, and what they might want to explore with each other in the future.

In short, the more couple therapists understand about the importance of sex and sex therapy, the richer the content of their work with couples can be. Often, communication patterns in other areas of life are mirrored in the bedroom. Learning to talk about sex can translate to better communication elsewhere in the relationship. In the same vein, talking about sex can teach partners how to have conversations about deeply vulnerable issues. Furthermore, being able to talk about and be sexual with one another increases emotional intimacy. For these reasons, it is vital that all couples therapists familiarize themselves with sex therapy.

And if you're ready to dive deeper, download a free chapter and client worksheets from Navigating Intimacy: An Introductory Guide to Couples and Sex Therapy so you can start implementing these strategies right away!